Abandon Despair!

Published
by
frjohn
on June 29, 2009
in Uncategorized
. 1 Comment

If the light in you is darkness, how great is that darkness. Matthew 6:23

The Fathers say that it is a great danger to spiritual life. Once you fall into it, it is very difficult to climb out. It frequently comes up in confession, and as a spiritual advisor, it is one of the most difficult spiritual states to cure. The Fathers called it “acedia.” (Pronounced “ah see dee ah”) Today, we call this passion “despair.” Truly, when the only light in you is despair, how great is that darkness.

Despair attacks the will and this is how this passion gains its power. With the will weakened, it is difficult to be healed. After all, to pray requires will; to fast requires will; to read or study requires will. It is a bad situation when “the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak”, but when both the spirit and the flesh are weak, it is a dire situation. Despair begins to strengthen as it feeds upon itself. When despair is strongest, hope is lost. We feel separated from God and begin to wonder if God even exists. We are dead and lying in the darkness of the grave. Life without hope is hell on earth, and a foretaste of eternal life apart from God. It is with great insight that Dante wrote about the sign that hangs over the entrance to hell: Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.”

How does this passion work in us? The first temptation is disappointment -we feel with certainty that nothing has gone as we wanted.The second temptation is irritation and anger- we wonder why has God done this to me? Disappointment comes upon us and turns to a sorrow that deepens into despair.This entire process is fueled by an inner voice that says, “I deserved better. If God really loved me, he would not have let this happen. ” Profound sadness convinces us that there is no hope.When hope is gone, there is only despair.

I have rarely met anyone who, once they came to know Orthodoxy fully, abandoned it because their theological studies proved the Faith to be wrong. However, I have known Orthodox people who have lost their faith in God because they felt cheated of the things that they had wanted. In their despair, they quit their spiritual disciplines and soon the light of faith and hope was gone, and they left the church. Somehow, they forgot the old joke – If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans.

Obviously, the cure for despair is hope. Hope and despair cannot exist in the same space. Yet, you might protest: “How can I have hope? After all, I’ve been profoundly disappointed and how can I believe that will be any different in the future? Hope has to be based on something, so what assurances do I have?”

The best assurance we have is love. Let me ask you, how do you know when someone really, truly loves you? Would it be in what they say to you, or by the things they give you? Suppose that someone dies for you, would you believe it then? Most of us would die for someone we really loved. We ,might even die for a good person. But who would willingly die for an evil man? Would you die for Hitler, or Stalin, or Pol Pot?

Here’s the thing! Jesus died for Hitler, Stalin, and Pol Pot.He died for you and me, even though we lived as God’s enemies. Do you understand this? Do you see the mystery of this love? Isn’t this the ground upon which all hope stands? No matter how you feel, and especially if you feel despair, you must be convinced of God’s love. It is only when you are convinced that you have a solid place to stand, a place that no passion can move or destroy.This solid conviction is called faith and faith is the energy of hope.

With faith and hope, something wonderful happens. The dynamic of life begins to change. Failures and tribulations are no longer meaningless events. Hope doesn’t mean that troubles will end, but when failures and tribulations come, instead of disappointment, hope creates patience. With patience, we begin to gain experience, so that new problems do not move us to disappointment. Hope is strengthened until we reach a level of hopefulness that will never make us ashamed. Hope is so powerful that we even hope to see the glory of God. (Romans 5)

Hope is one aspect of the presence of the life of Christ in our hearts. Consider this: if His death did so much for us, how much will his life accomplish for us? His death reconciled us to God and His life will save us. Honestly, I haven’t progressed so far in 15 years. Of course, I see improvements, buy I also see the passions that remain in me. I could despair, but I don’t because I have hope that His life will save me. After all, He brought me to faith, and He will finish me! His life has saved millions before me, and it will save millions after me. What makes me think that I’m such a hard case that God will disdain me and abandon me? I may be a wretch but my wretchedness is not beyond recovery. My sin is great, but His love and mercy is like an ocean that I cannot fathom.

If you are in despair, realize that your despair is based on untruth. Your situation is not hopeless, no matter how you feel. The way out begins with trust in the One who died for you. Trust is the essence of faith, and the evidence of what we cannot see. It is not about how you feel, but what you believe. It isn’t that you will never know sorrow again, but by faith and hope, your sorrow will be turned into joy. Jesus said that the storms of life will beat against everyone’s house. The house that does not fall before the storm is the one built on the right foundation.

After all, if God so clothes the grass of the field and feeds the birds of the air, will he not do even more for you? As Jesus said, “your heavenly Father knows that you have need of all these things.” Aren’t you worth so much more than grass or birds? And what do you accomplish by projecting your fears into the future? You Father knows what you need, so let you mind rest on today and forget tomorrow. (Matthew 5-7)

I have a suggestion. Let’s put a new sign over the door of our Churches. Let it say, “Abandon all despair, you who enter here.”

Nobody Bothers Me!

Published
by
frjohn
on June 16, 2009
in Orthodox Life and Podvig - Spiritual Struggle
. 8 Comments

Several weeks ago, my son and I went to see several friends test for their black belt in Taekwondo. On the testing floor were about 30 people of all shapes and sizes, ages and genders. I was amazed at the energy and dedication displayed. I wondered at the many hours spent in instruction and the hours spent at home practicing. It was truly inspiring. Even more, I surprised to see Jhoon Rhee arrive for the test. Considered the “Father of American Taekwondo” and now in his late 80s, I first saw him on a television commercial in the 1960s. He is a truly impressive man who teaches the Bible and believes in the human capacity to excel and overcome all obstacles. Of course, I was very impressed when I saw him do a flexibility move that three-fourths of the class could not do. I got to chat with him during the break (well, being in my cassock, I drew his attention and he was curious). I remarked about his commercial and that I remember that at the end, two cute little kids winked at the TV audience and said, “Nobody bothers me.” He laughed and said that those kids were now 50 years old. Oh no!

As I sat there watching the test, it all seemed a bit odd to me. After all, what did these people get for of all of this blood, sweat and tears? Practically, they got a piece of black cloth to wear around their middle. Now, this black cloth certainly signifies a great accomplishment, but it also signifies a rather odd arrangement. Black belts have mastered a skill, but it is a skill they have vowed to never use, except to maintain the right. I don’t mean to minimize the accomplishment at all, but on the surface, it did seem like a lot for a little. Well, thus saith the couch potato.

Then it hit me! What we need are belts for Orthodoxy. Think of all of the money that these people had spent, the hours in training, the exercising, the pain, and the fatigue – all so that they could wear colored
cloth around their middles. Then take the Orthodox – little money to give, poor in training, lax in exercising,
little focus, avoidance of pain, and only fatigued at the length of the service. By comparison, what would the Orthodox gain for their effort? Why only the Kingdom of God and life eternal, but what is that compared to a colored cloth around the middle?

Yet, maybe, if we began to measure our progress and awarded belts in the Church, things would change. Priests would need to be like Jhoon Rhee and inspire the group by instilling in their minds that we believe absolutely in the realization of their perfection. They would  let folks know that they demanded commitment and effort and perfect attendance. We would put them through difficult exercises to strengthen their hearts with spiritual discipline. We would focus their minds with prayer.  Becoming breathless from the effort, they would return for more and say that they actually enjoyed it! As Orthodox people advanced in their spiritual life, we could award them with colored cloth. Finally, the day would come when we would give them the big test, and if they passed, we could award them the Orthodox black belt. What do you think?

Though this piece is a bit of ironic humor, there is in the heart of most Orthodox priests that I know a longing for the day when people will advance in their spiritual life. At the moment, most of us are white belts, and mere beginners.  Priests hear of how they are being beaten up by the world, the flesh, and the devil. Sadly, though some of them have been white belts and have been coming to the “dojo” for a long time, they just don’t seem to be able to defend themselves or advance to the next belt level. Priests long for the day when they can award people with a different colored belt and say to them, “well done – now strive for the next level.” Most of all, we work and strive and pray for the day when we will put a black belt around them. Then they can say with blessed assurance, “No body bothers me!”

I wish I had a church filled with such black belt Orthodox warriors! (I noticed that monks wear black belts. Hmmmm…)

Circle the Wagons, Pilgrims

Published
by
frjohn
on May 30, 2009
in Uncategorized
. 1 Comment

If you were awake during American history class, you might remember the story of the pioneers who travelled by covered wagon to western America. Being a difficult and dangerous journey, the pioneers would gather at places like St. Louis to form long wagon trains. They felt that there would be greater safety in numbers and they were right. As they traveled west, they encountered many natural obstacles and they were able to help each other. Often they would circle their wagons to experience community, to share food and water, and to dance and sing around the fire to drive away the loneliness and fear. But the thing they feared most was an attack by Native Americans.When attacked, the wagons would circle up to form a defensive barrier and the pioneers would shoot from behind their wagons. Usually, this tactic was successful and the wagon train could move on the promise of distant lands.

It’s been the same for the Church. For 2,000 years, we have traveled together through hostile country picking up new pioneers as we went along. We have gathered together to experience community, to share our food and water, and to sing and worship to drive away the loneliness and fear. When attacked, we too have circled our wagons and the biggest circle was called an “ecumenical council.”

You see it is our Orthodox nature to circle up. This is why we have Synods and Diocesan Councils and Ecumenical Councils.The First Ecumenical Council faced a fierce enemy in Arius and many pioneers lost their way. Other enemies would come and again the Church would circle its wagons. Each time, thank God, the Church was victorious.

Sadly, when we personally face opposition, the last thing we do is to circle up with other Orthodox Christians. Usually we run off in a snit to hide and lick our wounds. Maybe it’s just the modern culture in us, a culture that has isolated us in our houses and automobiles and work places. It is a culture that has murdered hospitality as a way of life. We are Daniel Boone crying out for elbow room and the hope to live untroubled in a cabin by ourselves.The problem is, when the enemy attacks, we are all alone.

It’s interesting to me that given the state of things today, the recession, the broken economy and empty stock portfolios, I don’t hear the Orthodox even talk about the possibility of circling up, of working together and sharing resources. The spirit of self-sufficiency continues to rule, and not the spirit of community.

There may be a reason why we are reluctant to circle up. I’ve heard it said that when attacked, the Orthodox circle up, but then instead of shooting at the enemy, they turn and shoot at each other. You find that this happens in local churches sometimes. The church is facing some problem or point of controversy, and the members start shooting at each other. They seem to forget that the true enemy is not the member who opposes them, but that the fight is “against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces in the heavenly places.” (Ephesians 6.12)

In modern times, circling up has also become a serious problem. Some Orthodox people have circled up to leave out other Orthodox pioneers. They call them enemies and heretics and then start shooting at them. It is as if they believe that they are a big circle, an Ecumenical Council, who can decide who is in and who is out. It is very sad indeed. The thing is that like all wagon trains, we have a Wagon Master. He is very skilled because he knows the way of our enemies and knows the way to the Far Lands. He will tell us when it s time to have another big circle (an ecumenical council). No matter what the other little wagon circles say, an ecumenical council they are not.

Even so, let’s not give up circling the wagons but let it be for protection and not for exclusion. Let us seek out and welcome other pioneers into our circle. We face fierce enemies today who are very skilled in warfare. We cannot do it alone and we will have no protection if we travel alone in our little spiritual wagon.

The going ahead may be very difficult. If it is, and even if isn’t, let’s circle the wagons, pilgrims!

Furniture Mover

Published
by
frjohn
on May 9, 2009
in Orthodox Life, Pascha and Podvig - Spiritual Struggle
. 4 Comments

During the Sundays after Pascha, we hear about the ways people respond to the Resurrection. On Thomas Sunday, we found that some respond with doubt. In the Myrrh-bearing women, some respond by becoming servants to the Body of Christ. Today, we will find that another response is to become furniture movers.

This is the way St. Bede sees it. Thirty eight years is a long time to suffer from paralysis. He finds the number 38 to of interest. It is two less than perfection. Multiply 10 (for the Ten Commandments) by 4 (for the Four Gospels), and you get the number 40 which represents the full number of virtues. Yet, we lack two virtues which give us the number 38. What do we lack? As we lay on the bed of our vices, we are devoid of the love of God and of our neighbor.

To find healing, we must move the furniture.

First, the Lord said “Rise!” Simply, there’s not going to be any healing if we continue to roll about in our beds. I know the bed is comfortable. We become use to it and in many ways the bed has become a part of our personality. Yet, if there is to be healing, we must throw off the covers and place our feet on the floor and stand up. Can we do it? Yes, if we have faith in the power of the Lord’s command. After all, didn’t His command still the winds and calm the seas?

Second, the Lord said “take up your bed.” St. Bede’s take on this may surprise you. He wrote that to take up your bed means that you are to “lovingly carry your neighbor, by tolerating his weakness.” I leave behind my sins by rising up and now I carry my bed by bearing the burdens of others. Well, this is different, but how else can it be? Would the Lord have me carry the bed of my old sins? If so, then I would continue to be a slave to them. St. Paul reminds us that it is by bearing the burdens of others that I fulfill the Law of Christ. I forget this truth and I believe that I must be a martyr. After all, I carry such a heavy load of my own stuff.

Third, the Lord commands that I am to “walk.” Here, St. Bede tells us that this means to love God. Therefore, walking involves loving God with the heart, mind, soul, and strength. He puts it this way: Walk…”so that you may be worthy to reach the vision of Him. Go forward by making daily strides of good works from virtue to virtue. Do not desert your brother…nor turn aside from the right direction of your path…In everything that you do, see to it that you do not fix your mind upon this world, but that you hurry to see the face of your Redeemer.”

The end result was that the man became well, took up his bed, and went on walking. Well, as always, it’s up to us. We can lie around and hope that someday, all the circumstances of life will line up and the timing will be just right. Then, we’ll get into the water and all will be well. It is a tragic attitude because we can lie on this bed for 38 years hoping to be the lottery winner. This kind of attitude reminds me of a calling card that a protestant minister once showed me. On the front was the all of the important contact information, but on the back was a picture of a man in a casket located at the front of the church. Under the picture were these words, “Well, he always said he’d get to church as soon as he got straightened out!”

We need wait no longer if we will rise, take up our bed, and walk.

Don’t you think it’s time to move some furniture?

The New Atlas

Published
by
frjohn
on May 2, 2009
in Orthodox Life and Podvig - Spiritual Struggle
. 2 Comments

He was a Titan who lead a rebellion against the Olympians. In his failure, he was made to hold up the sky on his shoulders. (He is often shown holding up the world, but this is incorrect) This would be his eternal punishment. Once, he almost tricked Hercules into holding up the sky for him, but Hercules saw through his scheme and was able to escape. Poor, heroic Atlas!

Carrying burdens seems to be an inescapable fact of life. Sometimes, the burdens are so heavy it feels like Atlas holding up the sky. I’ve carried heavy loads of wood or stone until my shoulders and arms and legs ached with the effort. I managed this weight because I knew I would soon set it down. The terror of the story of Atlas is the hopelessness of it, knowing that you can never set your burden down. The terror of my life is the feeling that there are some burdens I will never lay down.

Some one once referred to the 20th Century as the “Age of Anxiety.” When you read the history of that time, there was certainly much to be anxious about. I wonder if that tag continues to be applied to the 21st Century? Certainly, these are fearful times. The economy has crashed and our financial security has largely vanished. Now, we hear of impending pandemics and nuclear terrorism, and the level of anxiety is reaching new heights.

I was reading The Missionary Letters of St. Nikolai Velimirovich. In letter 59, he wrote to an American, John Davis, who had a deep fear about the population explosion of the human race. He wrote, “Of course, one who forgets God, takes God’s worries upon himself. And God’s worries are not something that weak human backs can carry.” What an interesting thought– fear makes us forget God, and by forgetfulness, we carry God’s worries. When this happens, we become the New Atlas– we take the sky upon our shoulders. Yet, we are not Titans and our backs cannot carry the load.

The most difficult thing about an emotional, physical, or spiritual burden is when, like Atlas, we have no hope of ever setting it down. Despair only adds to the weight of the load that we carry. It is no wonder that Christ taught us “Do not worry. Tomorrow will take care of itself. Enough for today is the evil thereof.” Even at His birth, the angels said “Fear not!”

The Lord says to all who would be like Atlas, “Come unto me all who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest. Cast your cares upon me…Take my yoke upon you, for my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Christ is the only true Atlas, and in his Cross, He took upon himself the full weight of the world. Weak sinner that I am, I’ve found that its easier to pull the yoke with Christ than to be an heroic Titan carrying the sky on my shoulders.

The heavy stone has been rolled away. Christ is Risen! Hey, Atlas! Lay that burden down!

The only thing about me is the way I walk

Published
by
frjohn
on April 19, 2009
in Pascha
. 4 Comments

Its 11:30 a.m. on Sunday morning and I’ve only been awake for about half an hour. My Matushka and son are still asleep. Ah, that wonderful post-Pascha feeling where your biorhythms are all messed up. Still, I just had some cereal with milk and later we’ll eat some bacon and eggs and biscuits with gravy.

It was a glorious celebration last night. The Church was full and everyone was smiling and shouting “Christ is Risen! Truly He is Risen!” As I went around the church censing the people, I was aware that this celebration was going on all over the world and I truly felt a part of the universal Body of Christ. I thought of my friend Timothy serving as the Ecclesiarch at Holy Trinity in Boston (I wonder if he is still asleep); and Nijmeh who is so far from her family while standing in an Orthodox Church in Germany shouting “Christ is Risen!”; and I wondered about how Father Gabriel was doing since this was his first Paschal service and he was on his own; and I wondered about my daughter Elizabeth and her husband William celebrating in a Bulgarian Church; I thought about Nadezda in Japan, Noor in Italy, and, well, I thought about so many friends who were sharing that glorious moment. Later, when we blessed the baskets and broke the fast at our 4 a.m. trapeza, I again appreciated the fullness of life that our Holy Faith offers us.

Still, there is a sense of sadness as well this morning. In these first waking moments post-Pascha, I know that the world continues as it always has and there are so many who simply have not heard or do not know that Christ is risen. I turned on the television to check the news and things haven’t improved at all. The greatest truth of all time has once again gone unnoticed by the world.

Thomas Sunday follows upon the heels of Pascha, and we are reminded that even in the presence of the Resurrected Lord, “some doubted.” What does it take to convince an unbelieving world? Let me share a story: A Pentecostal preacher once boasted to a Baptist preacher about how excited his congregation became when the Holy Ghost fell on them. “Why, some of people get so happy, they leap into the air.” The Baptist minister responded, “Well, we find it’s not how high you leap into the air that matters. It’s how straight you walk when you land.”

During the reading of the 12 Gospels, we heard the Lord say, “By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13) With full gratitude for the wonderful feelings of Pascha, I know that it will not be how high I leap in joy, but how straight I walk when I land. The straightness of that walk will be the way in which I love both my brothers and sisters, and my enemies as well. By that love, the world will know that He truly came into the world, and reigns as Lord and Savior.

As the song goes, “I can’t dance; I can’t talk; the only thing about me is the way I walk.” In the year to come, no matter what happens in the world, may we walk in love and thereby show that truly “Christ is Risen!”

I have an announcement

Published
by
frjohn
on March 30, 2009
in Uncategorized
. 5 Comments

Do you know what the jackpot is on the lottery? Usually, I don’t worry about playing until the amount of the lottery is over $100 million dollars. Why bother? (duh) Once it hits that plateau, I begin to believe that I will be the next lottery winner. After all, why should the devil get all the money? I can just picture what I will do with the money. Its all good, of course and I can just see what a blessing I will be to the Church (new chapels for everybody!) In fact, with such good intentions, I wonder why I haven’t won in the past. I wait by the phone, but the Lotto never calls me. Instead, the money goes to all kinds of people who aren’t Orthodox and who end up wasting the money on frivolous things.

What’s that? You have to buy a ticket to win? Is that right? Why, I thought they just picked your social security number and called you. No?

I am kidding, of course, I don’t play the lotto.

Its instructive to read the reports of what happens to those who win. Its seems so odd to me that most of them end up being very miserable, and a few ended up in bankruptcy. The Lord whispers in my ear that, should I win such a sum of money, I would end up losing my soul.

I use to think that the biggest lotto winner was the Virgin Mary. As I read the first chapter of Luke, it said that she had “found favor” with God. I was sure that this meant that she was the luckiest woman in the world. Gabriel seemed like the Publisher’s Clearinghouse Sweepstakes crew that knocks on doors and surprises the winners with balloons and a big check.

I’m Orthodox now, so I’ve learned better. God doesn’t play favorites and choose people randomly to be big winners. St. Photios the Great said, “The Virgin found favor with God because she had made herself worthy before her Creator, having adorned her soul with the fairness of purity, she had prepared herself as an agreeable habitation of Him…” The idea that she “found favor” means that she was found to be pleasing to God (Theophylact). So, the Virgin didn’t play the lottery but diligently sought to make herself a fit vessel for God.

So it has been for all of God’s Saints, but I treat them like lottery winners. After all, they had the luck to live in better times (why wasn’t I born in such times?). People were more spiritual then and more willing to believe in God with a simple faith. Maybe, they were lucky enough to have pious parents (which I didn’t), or were raised in unusual circumstances that made holiness easier to attain. Ah, those fortunate people!

No, they were not fortunate people. God found them to be worthy because they prepared themselves to receive Him. When He came to them, he announced to them that they had found favor with Him. Think of St. Seraphim. Surely it was a great thing to hear the Theotokos say, “he is one of us.” Can you imagine the Virgin announcing such a thing to you? St. Seraphim wasn’t lucky. He heard the voice of the Holy Mother because he sought with his whole soul to be worthy of God. Go stand on a rock for even one hour, and you’ll get the point.

I must confess that spiritually, I continue to live like I’m playing the lotto. I think that if I’m lucky enough, I will find God’s favor. My plan is to die in repentance and not in sin. It’s a toss-up, but I hope I’m lucky enough to die right after I repent. Then, I’ll be the big winner. Surely God can set up the odds for this if He really loves me. Frankly, I need to come to my senses. There is no lotto concerning spiritual life. I’m either striving for holiness, or I’m not. The Bible says it clearly: “God is not mocked. Whatsoever a man sows, that shall he reap.” If I sow to the flesh, then I will reap from the flesh. If I sow to the Spirit, I will reap from the Spirit.

It has nothing to do with luck or chance or timing.

Whether it be an angel from God or death knocking at my door, I pray that the announcement I hear is “you have found favor with God.

Sunbathing

Published
by
frjohn
on March 12, 2009
in Uncategorized
. 2 Comments

I’ll be honest. I love the ocean. I think it is a great natural wonder and it’s a pleasure to spend time on the water. However, I’m not a big fan of the beach and I hate to lay in the sun and tan. I had a friend who was a dermatologist who once told me that when your skin begins to turn brown, it’s telling you something: “Get me out of the sun, you idiot!” I have to admit that when I see white people intentionally turning themselves brown, I tend to be a bit critical. I think that if God wanted us in the sun, he wouldn’t have invented trees.

Now that I have that off my chest, I realize that being in the sun is beneficial. Exposure to the sun allows us to create vitamin D, an element essential to health. Long before we knew how to milk cows, we naturally made vitamin D as the sun inundated our skin. If there was no other source of vitamin D available, daily exposure to the sun would produce all the vitamin D that we would need. You can’t get your vitamin D sitting under a shade tree.

There once was a man named Barlaam, and frankly he was in the shade. He was a clever man, a philosopher, and a Greek. He taught that since God by his nature is invisible and unknowable, anyone who claimed to see God or experience God was either a liar or deceived. If Barlaam is correct, then we might as well stop fasting or praying, and go out for a dinner and a movie. Would good would such disciplines do? Orthodoxy would be like Islam: God is unknowable and all we can do is follow the rules given to us by his prophet.

Orthodoxy certainly believes that the essence of God was unknowable, but it took St. Gregory Palamas to show that the teaching of Barlaam was in error. Gregory taught that while we cannot hold the Sun itself, or even stand close to it, the Sun is known to us through its energies of heat and light. We can sunbathe in the heat and light of God, which is the Holy Spirit.

Near Salonika, you can find a cave in the rocks that was the home of Gregory Palamas. Here, he spent years in fasting and prayer and in his Lenten discipline, he experienced the Holy Spirit. Unlike Barlaam, St. Gregory did not come to this conclusion by the use of logic. Barlaam stayed in the shade, while St. Gregory became very tan indeed.

At this point in time, we are not even halfway through the Lenten Spring. It’s easy to lose heart or to grow weary, but St. Gregory shows us that our prayer and fasting is not in vain. Like him, this is how we can sunbathe in the heat of the Holy Spirit. The more we pray and fast, the stronger the heat and the light. The longer we stand in this heat and light of the Spirit, the more we begin to gain that healthy tan of holiness. The nice thing is we will never burn like we can in physical sunlight. Even better, we never need to use suntan lotion and you don’t get sand in your bathing suit.

St. Gregory Palamas, pray to God for us.

In the closet

Published
by
frjohn
on February 28, 2009
in Uncategorized
. 1 Comment

As Americans, we have the “right to privacy.” Given the electronic media and all of the surveillance that goes on, you wonder how much privacy there is. Still, when you read about nations where there was no private life at all, you understand how precious privacy can be.

Orthodox Christians do not have a right to privacy. Privacy is not a right; it is both our obligation and our way of life. Jesus spoke of this way of life in the Sermon on the Mount: “When you fast, don’t show it on your face; Don’t let your left hand know what your right hand is doing; Put your treasure in heaven; When you pray, enter into your closet; Don’t give alms before men.” We are to live secret lives where all that we do is hidden from the eyes of men.

There is one simple reason why we live secret lives – it is in secret that we meet the Father. Jesus said, “Pray to thy Father Who is in secret” and “the Kingdom of God is within you.” It is in this secret place that we commune with the Father in prayer. The more we know the Father and the more intimate the relationship becomes, the more we find that we want no one’s approval but our Father’s approval. The only “well done” that we care to hear is from our Father. Then all that we do in public, all that we do for others, we do for our Father’s approval alone.

It doesn’t take much then to figure out if you have a private life with the Father or not. One sure test is when no one says “Thank you.” When this happens, we usually feel angry or sad that our good work went unnoticed. We wonder if we should continue our work since no one bothered to say “thanks.” Another gauge is how quickly we take offense and become angry whenever someone opposes our plans or work.

In the beginning, a secret life was not necessary. We lived in the Garden, where God was pleased to walk with us. We could do our good works and there was no mixture of vanity or false pride. When our Parents were expelled from the Garden, then the private life became necessary. Now, vanity and pride would be mixed into everything that we do. Everything, even acts of self-denial and heroism could be tainted with pride and vanity. Even worse, our very piety and service to the Church can become the work of Pharisees where we do all not to please our Father in Heaven, but to be well thought of and acclaimed by our brothers and sisters.

The Lord said, “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. We are Orthodox in name only if we have no secret life with the Father. It is from that closet, that secret place that we find our heart’s true treasure. Without it, we believe that we are people of good will doing good things. In truth, what we treasure is praise, acclaim, and reward. Such things will pass away, and rust, and thieves will break in and steal them. I think of so many in my lifetime who sought fame and notoriety, and having gained it, found that the thief came and took it away.

Did Jesus have a secret place? Yes. Matthew wrote that when the Lord dismissed his disciples, “he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone.” You see, the only treasure that lasts for all eternity is the relationship we have with our Father. Then, if we have our secret place, our right hand won’t know what our left hand is doing, and we won’t care at all. Our so-called reputation will be like a filthy rag and we will be glad of it.

The private life is our lifestyle and our obligation. It is also our greatest treasure. If our heart is in the closet, then no moth, no rust, no thief will ever be able to take our treasure from us.

Do you have a secret place? Without it, Ecclesiastes is correct! “I have seen all the works that are done under the sun; and indeed, all is vanity and grasping for the wind.” Yet, with our hearts in the closet with our Father, we will walk in the Garden again with God. Then whatever we do will be free from vanity.

Goat Boy

Published
by
frjohn
on February 22, 2009
in Lent, Orthodox Life, Podvig - Spiritual Struggle, Prayer and Relationships
. 2 Comments

Be honest! Do you really think about the second coming? After all, it’s been about 2,000 years, so why worry now? I don’t like thinking about judgment because I hate to accountable to anyone. I wish God would follow His own advice: don’t judge lest you be judged. God should be so loving and forgiving that he will just pass over all of it. Most people today seem to believe that when you die, you just walk into the warm light and all is well. Did anyone see the movie “Ghost?”

When you consider how fearfully the Bible portrays the end of all things, we it might do us good to consider what it will be like when we stand before the judgment seat of Christ. Certainly, the Church doesn’t teach that it’ll be all warm fuzzies and bright lights. The Lord said it would be a sheep and goats kind of experience. What does that mean and what’s the difference between sheep and goats anyway?

I looked it up and it’s not easy to tell them apart by outward appearance. Sheep say “baa” and goats say “maa.” Sheep have 54 chromosomes and goats have 60. Goats have a beard and divided upper lip, which sheep do not have. Sheep tails also hang down, even when short or docked, while the tails of goats are held upwards. Fascinating, isn’t it? But really, why do the goats get all the bad stuff?

Jesus can tell them apart. In his parable of the Judgment, he separates the two and gives us the distinguishing mark that divides them – compassion. Compassion? Oh, I wish he hadn’t of said that. Why can’t it be something else like how well I followed the rules, or kept the fast, or prayed, or how well I avoided gossip or turned from lustful thoughts?

Blessed Augustine said that we should not resist the first coming so that we will not dread the second. By first coming, does he mean when Christ was born and lived? No, he means that Christ first coming is when he comes to us in the poor, the imprisoned, the hungry, the thirsty, the homeless, etc. The measure of judgment will not be how well we kept the rules, but how much compassion we have in my heart, a compassion to moves us to action.

I must be a goat boy then, and this goat boy would like to ask, is this a fair way to judge? After all, I’ve been doing religious work for over 30 years. I’ve learned to do the services, I go to confession. I’ve prayed and fasted and stood in 3 hour vigils. Shouldn’t I be judge on my many achievements and compliments and sacrifices?

When I take an honest look at my so called achievements, they aren’t so great really. Most of what I’ve accomplished happened because I had a lot of people who loved me enough to help me succeed. What have I ever done by myself that amounted to anything? The answer is nothing at all really.

And I’m glad that I won’t be judged on how well I keep the spiritual disciplines because I make a lot of excuses. Yet, unlike spiritual disciplines, everyone, absolutely everyone can exercise compassion and show mercy. It doesn’t take training, or intelligence, or wealth or beauty. It just takes heart.

I have a goat boy heart-hard and unfeeling. Goat boy needs a softer heart, so maybe the purpose of Lent can take on a new meaning. I can try to break up the stony ground of my heart with the plow of fasting and prayer. If I can break up this hard ground, perhaps the tender shoot of mercy will spring up, and the great Shepherd will move me to the winning column. I can eat more simply, so that I can share a little food and drink or part with a little of my cash. Maybe I could share some of my time or empty my closet of clothes I haven’t worn in years. Goat boy would rather not do any of this but prove my love for God with my piety, but you know how it’s going go for goat boys. I heard the Judge say, forgive and you will be forgive, show mercy, and mercy will be shown to you. I was hungry and you fed me, naked and you clothed me, thirsty and you gave me water to drink. Ok, I get it, but Goat boy wishes that he would also say something like, “hey you didn’t break the fasting rules”, or “Way to go! You really nailed that prayer rule.”

Isaiah agreed with the Lord (no surprise). In chapter 58, he says.

5 Is this the kind of fast I have chosen,
only a day for a man to humble himself?
Is it only for bowing one’s head like a reed
and for lying on sackcloth and ashes?
Is that what you call a fast,
a day acceptable to the LORD ?

6 “Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?

7 Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness a]”>[a] will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.

9 Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
“If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,

10 and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.

Sigh! Ok, goat boy understands. It’s time to say “baaaaaa.”